About a year ago, in late 2023, I discovered something about myself that fundamentally changed how I see (or rather don't see!) the world. It happened at a party when a friend handed me a book (S/O Clémence). While reading, I stumbled across a sentence that became a joke but soon turned into a profound realization:
"If you can visualize the problem in your head, you'll find the solution."

That joke led to a deeper conversation, and I learned about aphantasia—the inability to visualize mental images. Fast forward a year, and I now know that I have something even rarer: Total Aphantasia.

What Is Total Aphantasia?

Aphantasia itself is defined as "the inability to visualize" (Larner AJ). People with aphantasia can't conjure mental pictures in their minds. But total aphantasia goes beyond this. It means the absence of mental imagery across all sensory modalities:

• I can't picture a scene or image in my head.
• I can't "hear" a tune or song in my mind.
• I can't recall the taste of food, the texture of an object, or even a particular smell.

For me, it’s like my mind’s sensory replay button just doesn’t exist.

Living with Total Aphantasia

For some, this might sound limiting or even disorienting. But because I’ve lived with it since birth, it’s my "normal". I’ve adapted to this way of experiencing the world, much like someone else adapts to having mental imagery. That said, total aphantasia presents unique challenges—especially when it comes to creative tasks like designing, writing, or building projects from scratch.

The Challenges of Creating Projects with Total Aphantasia

1. Designs

Design plays a critical role in developing modern apps or projects. For me, imagining how a design might look is impossible. I can’t “see” a layout or interface in my head. To overcome this, I rely heavily on external tools and platforms like Dribbble for inspiration. By studying others’ work, I can build a concrete idea of what I want without needing mental imagery. I save designs and put my ideas on a platform like Figma in order to organize everything.

2. Feature Development

Imagining how users might interact with a feature—or envisioning edge cases—is another issue. Without the ability to mentally simulate these scenarios, I often miss cases that become obvious only after deployment. Making close friends tests my apps before release has become a crucial part of my workflow to compensate for this gap.

3. The Big Picture

Building an app or project from scratch usually requires envisioning the “big picture”—how all the pieces fit together and how the product evolves over time. Total aphantasia makes this particularly challenging. I rely on structured planning tools, detailed documentation, and visual aids to map out these connections.

The Surprising Advantages of Total Aphantasia

While it’s easy to focus on the downsides, living with total aphantasia has also shaped unique strengths and advantages:

1. Focus on Functionality

Without mental imagery, I naturally emphasize logical problem-solving and functionality. This ensures the apps I build work seamlessly and reliably, even if their design takes more effort.

2. A Data-Driven Approach

Since I can’t rely on mental visualization, I lean on hard data, analytics, and user feedback to guide my decisions. This methodical approach often leads to more robust outcomes.

3. Reduced Distraction

The inability to get caught up in abstract mental pictures or overly conceptual ideas helps me stay grounded. My process is pragmatic and results-oriented, which can be a significant advantage in development.

(Of course, all those "positive sides" have been understood through discussions with friends. The same way I wasn't aware I had aphantasia, I didn't realize it could have any good sides)

Overcoming the Struggles with Tools and Technology

Although creating projects with total aphantasia presents challenges that others may not face, I’ve found workarounds that make the process manageable:

• Design Tools: Platforms like Dribbble or Figma help bring ideas to life without relying on mental imagery.
• Planning Tools: Mind maps, flowcharts, and project management tools like Notion or Trello provide the structure I need.
• Extensive Testing: By focusing on iterative testing, I ensure features function as intended, even when I can’t mentally simulate their use.

Conclusion

Living with total aphantasia is a unique experience, particularly in creative and technical fields. While I face struggles others might not, I’ve learned to navigate these challenges with the help of tools, resources, and a methodical approach. At the same time, total aphantasia has cultivated strengths like problem-solving, focus, and a data-driven mindset that shape the way I design and build.